Pleasure is Medicine
Where Has the Pleasure Gone?
Since before and especially after the COVID-19 pandemic, people are finally waking up to the chronic pressures of capitalism, the hustle mentality and living under unsustainable inflation. Up until the “Great Pause”, most did not question their busy schedules, their many commitments or playing the game of keeping up with familial, social, or economic “expectations” of us. But if it’s not the Great Pause that gave us the embodied gift of “not Missing Out” or “Keeping up with the Jones’ ”, then our bodies back in overdrive certainly will.
In fact, trauma and addictions specialist Dr. Gabor Mate’s groundbreaking book The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness and Healing in a Toxic culture (1) has been flying off shelves worldwide since its release in 2022 illustrating the social-psycho-somatic interconnected impacts on our bodies from living in a Western society that breeds illness. Now, consider if we were to hone in on the many cultural, religious, social, economic, and political factors involved in sexual wellness, from a lack of consistent sex education across Canada (2), to the still taboo or embarrassing nature of discussing sex, fertility or our evolving desire with our loved ones unless otherwise for reproduction, coupled with the pressures of dating, sustaining a happy marriage and family, or unrealistic beauty standards as we age and transition through natural life phases. And we’ve not yet even listed the plethora of unconscious gender-based, religious or cultural “expectations” for what are “acceptable” ways to express our sexuality and relationship to pleasure. It’s a lot of fragmented, contradictory and competing interests in this one area alone.
If reading these past paragraphs was enough to lose your desire or feel distraught about making space for pleasure in your life let alone your sexuality, I don’t blame you. The good news is, we haven’t always been like this.
Holistic Pleasure
Did you know that the infamous Kama Sutra (at least as we know it in the West) is actually a guidebook for pleasure, not JUST a book on sex positions? In fact only 1 chapter out of 7 concerns sex. The ancient guidebook instead is a compendium on living a life of pleasure, and joy, and yes which included tips on courtship, and approaches to sexual and sensual fulfillment in life. The original Kama Sutra was written in the fourth century by the Indian philosopher Vātsyāyana. British explorer Sir Richard Burton came across the ancient Indian text in the 1880s and commissioned to have it translated, which he later edited, and filtered through the prudish eyes of imperialist Victorian times, fixated on the one sexual chapter. (3)
In fact none of the erotic images of sex positions we associate with the Kama Sutra today was in the original text nor in Burton’s 1886 edition. In the early days of the internet, a translation focusing only on sex positions was recirculated as being the whole Kama Sutra, essentially defiling the holistic wisdom of this ancient text. So the next time you hear about the Kama Sutra, know instead that it is in fact a rich text of ancient tradition, about pleasure, love and the art of living. (4)
We live in a world that has become fragmented and disconnected. If you ever wondered what impact colonialism has had on sexuality, the Kama Sutra is a very concrete example of the dissociation and fragmentation (AKA trauma) created in human beings with our own innate relationship to sexuality, our bodies and our capacity for pleasure and relating.
When the Kama Sutra was reduced to sex, that’s like reducing our relationship with food to simply sustenance. In fact there are many parallels between these two worlds. Much like the Agricultural Era that dissociated humans from our relationship with the land and ecosystems (from which our food comes and we ourselves coexist in), the Puritanical Era disconnected humans from their relationship to their bodies and our capacity for pleasure experienced with ourselves, with our surroundings and with each other. (5)
“Pleasure” became collapsed with sex (for function AKA reproduction), as if “Nourishment” were collapsed with Food (and further reduced to “sustenance”).
Then as if to add fuel to the fire, under a puritanical lens which underpins most of Modern Western society, sex and our bodies became something to be ashamed of and even fearful of. (5) That’s like being afraid and ashamed of your own hunger. With this logic, being dissociated from our bodies and sexuality is actually a very unfortunate form of self-hate and destruction.
Perhaps this is the real reason the Kama Sutra existed in its holistic wisdom. Perhaps we once knew that our sexuality, capacity for pleasure, our bodies and our ability to relate to one another intimately is in fact all interconnected and necessarily so.
Gratification vs Pleasure
“Work Hard Play Hard”. We all know this phrase, but have we ever considered the implications of living life see-sawing from high-highs and low-lows? It’s actually exhausting and unsustainable. Or, have you ever had the sensation of needing a vacation after the vacation? We’ve all been there.
Consider that these are all forms of short-term gratification; the sensation of needing to escape, distract or compartmentalize in order to survive through life and in your body. As Dr. Mate would say, it is our way of seeking soothing from or during a tense, stressful or uncomfortable period which is a normal response to discomfort.(1) However, gratification is meant to be exactly that, short-term relief (from short-term stress) which if we become dependent on, can become addictive behaviours that soothe the discomfort but don’t address the root cause which are often found instead in our systemic and chronic environments, relationships and habits.
Enter pleasure. Pleasure on the other hand is replenishing and rejuvenating for your body and soul. And by pleasure I don’t just mean sexually either. Instead pleasure, in the holistic sense can be broadly defined in four categories(6):
Sensual: enjoying the world through your 5 senses (touch, taste, sound, sight, smells)
Emotional: enjoying pleasure through your relationships.
Spiritual: enjoying a sense of something larger than yourself whether in nature, universe, God. etc.
Sexual: enjoying the world through our innate ability for desire and arousal.
When we tap into any of these accessible four forms of pleasure, a complex set of hormones (dopamine, serotonin, endorphines etc) release in our bodies that heal, bring ease and even bliss. Or as I like to call it, micro-doses of healing for your body and soul. The more that we practice activating these chemicals in our body, the more attuned our bodies will be to producing them.
Taking a page from ancient wisdom, that’s where accessible self-love and pleasure habits come in. In a world that has become pleasure denying, pleasure depleted and pleasure starved, learning to re-fill your own cup in all the pleasure-filled ways (both sexually and non-sexually) might seem benign on the surface but is in fact a radical stance from where we are today. It means that you will create a sense of spaciousness and presence back in your body, and into your life for more fulfilling play, ease and intimacy for everyone you get to share it with.
Maria Cheung BSc, MPH, ABS, is the newest member of PPHC, a compassionate sexpert in mind, body, spirit and sex. She is a certified Clinical Sexologist (American Board Certified), with over 15 years of experience in the healthcare industry. Combining methods in Western and Eastern medicine, she guides her clients through a proven program specializing in sexual yoga, Authentic Tantra(R), to self-heal from suffering, and unleash empowerment in intimacy, relationship, purpose and contribution. She applies a holistic trauma-informed and somatic approach, integrating growth both in the bedroom and into your life." Learn more about Maria here, or book individual or couples sessions with her here.
Sources:
2022, Gabor Mate The Myth of Normal
https://getmaude.com/blogs/themaudern/the-real-story-of-the-world-s-most-famous-sex-manual
2007, Sexual Liberation: The Scandal of Christendom, Raymond J. Lawrence Jr.
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